sometimes, i feel like she's so out of touch. shes so privileged in a lot of things, like money. but i don't know, maybe i am not a good friend? i don't really feel anything much anymore about our differences financially, but its more about something else, like the way she humbly brags about being smarter than most people, and that many older/wiser/rich men hit on her all the time. like??
i don't even know how to put in words what i feel when she says those things. its like, i'm supposed to be a good friend and supportive of her with everything that she does and be happy and proud of her. but at some point it's like, ok, we get it, you are smart and attractive, and yes, many men like you. it's like she needs those validations so much and why? i feel like some people may be able to give it to her, but me.. i don't think i can stand it. it makes me feel glad that i don't have to see her everyday anymore. which also makes me feel bad for feeling so.
also, when i told her about my sister's suspicious and predatory age gap relationship, her first reaction was, "the age gap seems ok to me?" like.. why does that sound so out of touch to me? she justified by saying that maybe because when SHE was 22, she was a more mature person than my sister is. i don't knowww. i feel like as someone who is (at least appears to be) so aware of so much predatory stuff and the danger of the world that we live in nowadays and is open-minded, she should've right away see that the relationship was alarming. but instead, the first thing that she does was to make it about her bcs SHE thinks shes much more mature than, again, everyone else. i hate that i had to say "no you don't understand" during the conversation because i don't like telling people that they don't understand anything or that it seems like i cant take their opinion (now that i write this down, i do sound like a people-pleaser). although as the conversations went on, she did point out that she realized how immature my sister is personality-wise because she remembered how my sister behaved when she met her. but she still made clear that she thinks the age gap was fine, that it's just my sister's problem. like??
we also talked about how i feel like it's common and understandable that when you live with your parents, you'll have to follow their rules and be respectful by informing your whereabouts. because again, the rest of us in this group is not financially privileged to completely move out and not care about our parents. but she immediately, again, made it about her and said "well, my parents don't (ask or care about her whereabouts)." huh? she does know that her case with her parents/family is not as common as everyone else and that most importantly, it comes from a privileged position. she went/goes thru negligence issues by her parents, compensated with money. but that's not the case for many of us, or at least us in her circle ni. i don't really feel like sharing with her anything about my family anymore...
i also don't know why talking to her about my unemployment issues doesn't feel helpful or relieving at all... to begin with, i have to always make sure that she is stable and in the right headspace to talk about it (i know there are many people like this, i understand, but personally, i wouldn't mind at all if any of my best friends wants to confide in me about anything because that's how much i value my friendships). which most of the time, she doesn't seem as she's available because she works and travel a lot more than the rest of us do. there was only ONE time where i attempted to talk to her about it, also by asking her if she could take me to the clinic, which i think we couldve proceeded with a bit of sharing on why i was feeling what i was feeling that needed me to seek professional help. but no, after calculating the minutes and miles that she has to jump for me, her best friend, and stating how busy she is (which i already damn well know, i did not need her to overjustify it), she then proceeded with shutting me out by saying that SHE is not well either at that moment and it was a wrong time for me to reach out to her. i don't know i just feel like you shouldn't do that to a best friend. but then again, i am just one of her many best friends. but she's one of my very few friends.
but that weekend during the 1 hour commute with my other friend, i felt so much comfort in confiding to her about my struggle with anxiety and depression this past few months, and i even told her about other job opportunities i'm pursuing at the moment. she was so understanding and supportive and most importantly, did not make it about her. she relate to my stories and struggles, yes, but she did not make it about her.
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