it has been a roller coaster couple of months for me especially since after graduation, except that the track is just going down. life has just been filled with anxiety and a bit of depression, so much stress and pressure.
after graduation, my plan was to rest for a bit, take driving classes and get a license while working a part-time job, then go jobhunting. the reason is that I was aware that taking leaves when working is a bit of a hassle when you are in a full-time job, hence the part-time job thing. my father promised to pay for my driving classes, which he did not follow through with. so I had to work pt TO PAY FOR the driving classes. since I had to wait for my salary to come in to pay for it, I booked the classes later than the initial plan, which obviously had my classes scheduled for about 4 months later. and that was gonna be too long of a period for me to just work pt. mind you, I'm a fresh grad.
everyone around me has already got their driving license, and been working permanent jobs for at least 5 months now. i felt soooo left behind. nobody really prepared me for the post-graduation stress and anxiety, especially if you have such an irresponsible father like mine. at first, I didn't mind much about taking some time before finding actual job for my career path. but after 3 months working pt, I started to feel super insecure, my ego crushed for the 100000th times, and I hated the job. i wanted to leave. i want to do something that actually suits me, somewhere I can put my skills and talents in place, where my achievements will be recognized.
i hated my pt job because of a coworker's behaviour which I cant seem to tolerate anymore. and I feel like I cant grow working there, no one sees my full potential. i want to be seen as a talented and skillful person. at least if I am to be berated at work, let it be because of my skills, not because of trivial mundane things, like the way I stood on the selling floor, or the way I pick up shoes from the rack. those things are trivial and petty to me and I hate being criticized for that nothingness. and I think the pt job has done what it has to do, which is to pay for my driving classes. and that's enough already. so I figured that its time to move on to the next phase.
although it is earlier than my initial plan, which was to get driving classes done before working a full time job, I think that it doesn't really matter. cs in this aspect, the river still flows, and things will still fall into place. they just dont happen the way I planned it, but they still work out so it's fine.
as much as I am such an anxious and planned person, in this sense of making big decisions in life, I let spontaneity intervene for a bit. and just, believe. in myself and in what the world has to offer me. so I started applying for jobs.
took less than a week for me to get calls from a couple of companies for interviews. and got a "yes" within the next week. in total, only took me 2 weeks to find a job and land a decent one. Alhamdulillah highkey very grateful for this. i know that jobhunting can stretch up to months for many. but I'm super grateful that that was not the case for me. i lowkey wished that it only took me maximum 4 interviews to land a decent job. cs unlike some people, I don't want to spend too much time looking for a decent job. and thank lord and the universe that it worked out that way in the end.
the company seems nice, the hr was nice to me, and the salary negotiation went very well. I'm so grateful that it works out that way. so grateful that my mom guided me a bit for how much I should demand to be paid. although I am starting my career journey a bit later than most people around me, at least my salary will be decent, and I got what I wanted. the job itself is also something that I feel confident and have an interest in. i cant wait to see how things will go for me from now on.
earning money is also something that is life-changing for me. ever since I worked pt job, I feel so satisfied when at the end of the month, I get paid for the long-hours I worked. i have my own money to buy whatever I want, to pay for my subscriptions, to pay for my commitment like the driving classes. and the fact that it is consistent, in the sense that if I run out of money, it will still come back to me next month. i loooove earning money. i love that I can buy ANYTHING that I want. money DO BUY HAPPINESS for me. and I am happy that my boyfriend is very supportive of me spending my money on retail therapy. because he knows how hard I worked for it. and being broke for so long as a students had only done me damage. so its completely okay to celebrate being free from financial burden for a bit.
i can now pay for expensive essentials and gadgets. i bought rm200+ bag for work, and will be buying rm200+ headphone soon. i bought rm200+ makeup because I love doing makeup. i bought coffee stuff, clothes, shoes. i did my hair. it makes me so happy that I can do all that by using MY OWN MONEY. and I can do it again next month! i don't have to be anxious as much as I did when my finance only depended on student loan and food coupons, and my parents mercy to give me pocket money. it feels liberating. and I am so happy for me.
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